Dread Wolf's blog: "regrets and memories"

here lately all i think about is past loves, and how i seemed to never really have a chance. i have only truly loved 3 women in my life. i was dumped by them all. Sarah who i almost married in 05 dumped me just before i went to iraq, tammy, who flirted with anyone on here. eventually decided to do better, and drei who gave up on me cause i got angry at her for bs. anymore i sit and think is it worth it truly to give ur heart to anyone. i know i'm not perfect i have a bunch of flaws. my biggest flaw is i'm on disability for things i can't control. next is i'm not the best looking. i know this. i will never be a buff hunk that every girl drools over. i'm average build i wear glasses and i'd rather wear a tshirt and jeans than dress up. i know i'm not perfect i will never claim i am, but what i am is sweet, kind, and thoughtful. i will always put others ahead of myself. if i ever find that certain someone that doesn't give a shit about my flaws i will cherish them. i don't want someone to take care of me. 

i can't help but feel jaded and depressed lately. i have only truly loved three women n my life, and everyone has hurt me more than they realise. i know i'm not the richest or best looking, but i have a good heart. to me that is what counts for a good relationship. all i've ever wanted is to be made to feel like my money situation, and my looks don't matter, but every time i'm left for someone better. it is like being stabbed n the heart.

my only regret is that you never saw what you meant to me. that you never cherished the little thing i tried to do. i know i'm no prize and yes i'm insecure, but it is your job to make those insecurity seem rediculous. to make me feel silly for doubting myself , to make me feel like i'm all that matters. i know you don't see it, and it's easier to label me the monster, but we are both to blame. i should've controlled my temper, i just wish you would've been willing to talk things out, and quit trying to silence me as i tried to explain how i feel. i wish you wouldn't get stressed when i try to do right. you never saw what you meant even when i tried to show it. i wish i meant more to you . i wish i meant enough that you would have held on tighter. i wish i was more important than the fugame. but most of all i wish you the best