we used to walk the fields of green...
we used to sit by clear blue streams...
we used to be so happy... me and you...
we used to do such silly things...
we used to make love in the rain...
we used to... yes we used to
then you went away...
leaving me with the memories we made
memories of those sweet yesterdays
spent with you ...spent with you
and eventhough you're gone
i still think so often of you
and the things that we no longer do
like we used to...ah... we used to...
we used to be so much in love
we used to kiss and hold and touch
we used to find so many things to do
we used to laugh and plan and dream
we used to own the world it seems
we used to... yes we used to
then you went away...
leaving me with the memories we made
memories of the sweet yesterdays
spent with you...spent with you...
oh eventhough you're gone
i still think so often of you
and the things that we no longer do
like we used to... oh we used to...
(lyrics of 'we used to') it's as if the person who wrote this song knew something like this would happen to me...
i remembered that night in particular...was singing on stage...when our mutual friend walked in...can't even remember his name now...insensitive the way he was...he told me you're gone...somehow my mind couldn't register...just couldn't...it's like i wiped that conversation out of my mind...it took 8 long years to suddenly had my mind hammered...bashed into pulps...i was singing with a different band then...and it was while i was singing 'stairway to heaven' that it suddenly hit me...'coz the introduction to the song is similar...i hid in my room and i played this song "we used to" over and over again...and my heart broke...over and over again if that's possible...it was like someone has driven millions of searing ridged knives through my heart...i wished i could die then...imagine...8 long years...seemed unbelieveable...but yes...8 long years later for the truth to register...i spent 3 days in my room...locked the door...refused to see anyone...my manager was worried...but he felt my pain...and left me be...how could someone locked something away for 8 years and not even thought about it somehow...i had no answer then and i still don't have any answer now...back to that night 8 years ago ...what our friend told me was basically you died...you're in a car and you're not even the driver...there're 4 of you...and all of you perished in that accident...
i still remember your smile...your kiss...your touch...your sadness...your happiness...your everything...and my heart's still hurting right now...even as i wrote this down...memories can haunt you till you die...i try to remember only the good things...but then again...i have to take the bitter with the sweet...could i have loved you better?... could i made you stay?...there're so many questions unanswered...they won't change a thing now...they're all bittersweet refrains...of the songs of my life... i would have given anything to have you here now..honestly i couldn't love you any better...i already have loved you the best i could...
i'll always remember you...you will always have that special place in my heart...i still love you...in my own crazy ways...
rest in peace...
