bigdeepmind's blog: "thy great and powerful blog"

Maybe I'll just write more random stuff?

I feel like I should write something erotic.. given the site.. and the whatever.. 

Well, I mean, it would be a hoot to turn you on? 

Alas I'm in some kinda shy mood today... a kinda not ready to put myself out there too much.. kinda mood today... a happy that I at least have a cup of coffee kinda mood... 

Ehh.. what should I talk about? 

My recent conversational obsessions have been.. Russia / Ukraine geo political whatevers.. err... I'm not sure what else.. there's always a list of things.. yeah... so if you want to hear me yap about that.. be sure to hit me up? 

I FEEL LIKE.. some sorta random thing where I "talk about the ladies" or.. some sorta relationship themed thing.. might be better?

Ok, I'll run with that idea.

SO.. I guess I'm coming from a fairly sex postive point of view... It's like I like a certian amount of wildness form just an aesthetic point of view.. or maybe an existential point of view.. from the point of view that life should be lead a little wildly.. THOUGH.. a certain amount of wild can be not healthy and all of that.. sure... but I still ache for the wild.. for a space for that.. in my life.. and I refuse to repent from it... 

Of course the sad fact is that I tend to be wilder in my imagination then in practice.. but just in terms of.. relating to women.. when it's.. a looking for something thing.. a women who's ill disposed to the wild.. if only in a sentiment.. it's a little bit of a red flag for me.

I think.. in life there's so much stuff that.. wants you to behave a certain way.. and why, for what? Like conforming to things.. doesn't feed me spiritually... I think that's the main thing for me... that spiritually.. I need to remain wild... to love wild.. to whatever wild...  

Yeah.. but it often feels like the world around me isn't entirely up for the wild.. or like the wild somehow disturbes things.. folks don't want you dance on their lawn, I guess?

Yeah.. I don't know.. I'm pretty much just typing the random thoughts that come to my brain.. as they come to my brain.. and.. I confess they don't seem that exciting? AND LIKE.. I don't want to... not be worth your attention? I mean if you read this and get bored.. that's a sin... of some kind.

This is making me think I should go full on erotic.. because.. then, whatever it is, it probably won't be boring.. I mean unless it's the wrong kind of kink for you, or something?

Hmmmm....

I really am on the edge of... maybe going down that path? I feel like such a tease?

I've had this thought.. I'm working on these art / music projects.. and I'm debating going down erotic paths in that.. so it might be worth exploring it here...

To make this kind of work effective.. as the artist.. you really need to feel it.. to convey the feeling.

For me.. the most erotic thing in the world.. is like... idk how this will come off.. or land for you.. but it's like a women who can own me sexually.

I think I used to think tihs some kind of submisive instinct in me.. but I think it's like.. "yeah, no, I want a women who can have that kind of power over me?" Like I'm yours cause I can't not be yours.. kinda deal.. like does that not seem compatible with romantic love.. our highest ideals there of.. or is the law of the land to settle for not lived.. lives?

So I like to try and be honest? 

Do you know what I mean? Like in some circles.. a guy thinking with his penis.. is not well thought of.. I feel like "err, i should be able to think with all parts of me.. regardless of the part?" That doesn't mean I want to reduce everything down to sex in some kind of way where it's "just sex." But if sex wants to be everything, why can't it be? I mean whatever the moment is you're living.. why can't that moment be in eternity? 

I think we just have crazy pathologies around sex.. that this is the problem.. and folks have grown weak in such a way.. that they think the answer is to live less.. I say screw that.

Yeah.. but I guess only in my imagination because my lived life.. is so boring these days.